It's my 200th post and I'm kind of pissed

So here's the thing.... Like I said, I hung out with Mike last night and I had a good time. We actually hung out a little today and went and got our eyebrows threaded. Yeah ... threaded! I never cared at all to do anything like that and my sister has been trying to get me to do it for so long, and I finally gave in when Mike asked about it. He really wanted to do it and I said I would do it with him. So we went to get it done.

Last night, he was talking about going out with some girl who's just a friend. But then at the same time, he was talking to a girl from a dating website that he's on. He was torn and I said that it would be mean to cancel on the girl he made plans with. When I left, he didn't know what he was going to do.

Today, I had asked him what he decided and he said to me that he was going to meet the dating website girl. I asked him what happened to the other one and he said that he called her and said that he had to reschedule because something came up.

I ended up texting Steve and asking him what he was doing tonight. I figured since Mike was out, we could chill. He responds with ... I'm in Queens with Mike. I was like WTF!? You're such a liar and he was like ... I'm not joking. I'm with Mike.

I was so shocked! I am pissed off! First of all .. Mike totally lied to my face! What the fuck is that about? Look, I know I'm not the best wing man, but seriously ... what the fuck!?

Last night Mike was bad talking Steve and saying how he's such a loser at times and he hates the fact that he hangs out some people that he doesn't like. He was pissed at him for lord knows what and didn't talk to him for this entire week and now all of a sudden you lie to my face and go and hang out with him!?

I guess this is one of the reasons why I had stopped hanging out with them way back when. In all honesty, I am so done with this bullshit. This high school bull shit was enough in high school. I seriously thought that they had changed and that they would be "my boys" (and no... I don't mean anything gay related ... just my best buds), but when they pull shit like that, it totally turns me off from ever trusting them.

I realized that Steve is truly untrustworthy. He lies a lot and I don't know ... I just can't deal with this bullshit! Arrrghhhhh!

Whatever ... it's done, it's over with, and ain't nothing gonna change it! I don't think I'll ever have close guy friends... I don't know ... this just pisses me off

I LOVE HER!

So I am sure that you have heard of Ke$ha... if you haven't, then get out from under that rock of a home you live in and get your tookus onto iTunes and check her out!

I absolutely LOVE her music ... You have to check it out! Here's my list of my favorite songs:

1. Tick Tock (Very popular)
2. Blahh Blahh Blahh (Very popular)
3. Kiss 'n' Tell
4. Love is My Drug

Check it out and comment back loveys!!

xoxo, J

So much in common...

So I ended up hanging out with Mike tonight. Me, him and Steve were supposed to all hang out, but Steve flaked on us. He supposedly went to hang out with some of his other friends that me and Mike aren't so thrilled about.

So anyway ... Mike and I hung out at his house. We watched The Invention of Lying as well as The Blind Side. Afterwards, we turned on the cable and had it on in the background while we talked. We talked about life, growing up, our ideals, inspirations, plans for life... a whole lot.

I realized that I'm not the only one currently satisfied where I am in life at the moment. Mike is really bugged out by it as well. He doesn't know what exactly he wants to do with his life and he's desperate for a girlfriend and not necessarily wants to settle down but is willing to. He hates his job and wants to move out of his house.

I guess I thought that I was the only one feeling the same way and quite frankly I found some relief to know that I am not the only one.

Honestly, I never pictured myself where I am right now. I barely have a savings and I work full time and I go to school. I still live at home and there is not one possiblility of me moving out, well unless I come out and get a sugar daddy, which we know ain't happening! LOL

I will admit to one and only one regret in life and that is I regret being a naive teen and racking up a serious credit card bill that fucked me over royally. I killed my credit before I could establish it and now I have to try so hard to rebuild it. I can't get a loan even if I wanted. I'm stuck at home and stuck at my job until I finish my degree. I got really depressed the other day. I reflected and seriously got bugged out.

In 4 years will be my high school reunion and I was hoping to have so much accomplished by then and I am seriously no where near any of those plans. I don't know ... It seems like nothing I planned is anywhere near my future.

It's ridiculous, but I am happy to know I'm not the only one going through this. He opened up to me tonight and I actually liked him so much more after our conversation tonight, on so many different levels.

Well it's almost 4AM ... I should get some sleep -- I did get a snow day today and shoveled for the majority of the day. Never got caught up with my DVR.... I could've tonight, but decided to spend the time with Mike. I have no regrets about that decision .. :)

Well good night world ...

xoxo,
J

Ok ... time for another episode ...

Time for another episode of "The Closeted Gay Boy & His Highly Questionable Friends" (working title)

So here's the latest .. after our soiree (yeah... had to Google the spelling of that one!) the other day for Steve's birthday, we haven't really gotten together, but we all have been talking.

I actually had lunch with Mike the other day. He was home for lunch, so I picked up food and went back to his house. We were actually home alone and of course so many scenarios played out in my head, but as usual, nothing at all happened.

I've come to the realization that I am sexually attracted to Mike as well. I wasn't at first, but as I got to know him, I like him on so many levels. First of all ... looks - he has to dress up with suit and tie every day for work. I saw him all dressed up and I wanted  to melt. He looked so dashing and just plainly hot! His package was nicely displayed in his pants, practically enhanced it. Secondly, we've clicked on so many levels. He's really into culture and exploring others and I am right there with him. He has ambition and knows what he wants. He is a genuine guy with a wonderful personality. I am honestly surprised we never were best of friends in high school. Now, we are buds for life. I suspect he's bi as well, but who knows. I would love to at least see him fully naked (like on the nude beach) but I would be forever grateful for his lifetime friendship.

As for Steve ... we've been texting back and forth and I was actually over his house the other night. He pisses me off at times, but I truly do love the guy and I keep going back for more. He worked his magic on me from the first day we met in kindergarten! LOL

So we texted and e-mailed back and forth about going up to his cabin in Pennsylvania - first a whole group of us, then just me and him and Mike, and then just me and him. Of course, you know I'm game! I've got the car half-way packed! LOL -- We were texting today and we were talking about jacking off. We both hadn't done it all week and we both are well past due. I jokingly told him I'd come over and we could jack off each other and he was like Ok... Then we somehow started talking about sleeping over each other's houses and he's so down for it ... I just wish I could blatantly ask him for the hard truth instead of these innuendos and get a slap in the face with his cock! OMG .. could you imagine!? haha

He's shown me numerous times that he free-balls it after the gym. We've talked about sleeping nude, free-balling, jacking off,  etc. We've been quite open with each other and I am hoping we could be even more open ...

Oh well ... tomorrow is Friday .. maybe he can come over and watch some movies/shows with me. Maybe my parents will go somewhere and we can have some alone time! Times like this, I wish I had my own place! Well if you excuse me, now is the opportune time to jack off and since it's been a while.... well ...

xoxo,
J

Well ... what's your 2 cents on this?

Ok ... I am stepping aside from the topic of my best friend for a moment ... but only just a moment

I was wondering ...what are your thoughts on:

1. American Idol - I have not been watching, although you'd think I would since I LOVE Ellen!
2. Human Target - I am hooked! The guy is H-O-T-T HOT and I actually like the whole espionage/spy theme going on.
3. Supernatural - Ok ... I've been a fan for a while and lost it for a while because my DVR would not tape it since I had other shows going on.
4. Grey's Anatomy - I used to love this show, but honestly stopped watching it. My DVR, for whatever the reason, stopped taping it and I missed so much, I didn't bother to fix it.
5. Private Practice - See "Grey's Anatomy"
6. NCIS: Los Angeles - Watched it since pilot and since been hooked. Chris O'Donnel and LL Cool J are might fine and believe it or not, I'm kind of into the psychologist guy. That chick that's on their team is pretty hot. If I was straight, I'd so do her! ;)
7. Gossip Girl - See "Grey's Anatomy" (I know ... so sad and unbelievable!)

Well anything else? None that I can think of at the moment. What have you been watching? Anything I should give a try? I'm so swamped with work and school, it's hard to find time to watch these, but it is snowing like there is no tomorrow here in NY and I am praying for a snow day at work. So far, we have had two for the year, which is unheard of! I plan to spend the entire day catching up on my shows! :)

Well let me know ...

xoxo,
J

We laughed, we danced, we partied, we crossed swords...

So Friday was Steve's birthday and I decided to cook him dinner and host a small gathering. So Mike came over along with a mutual friend, Alexis... we all hung out, we watched a movie, danced like idiots, had a good time. We polished off one and a half bottles of wine, ate my lovely feast, played Taboo, and talked until 2:30AM.

There were a lot of moments of insinuated gay times, but of course nothing happened! The best was Mike pulled his pants down while we were singing Happy Birthday, exposing his nice, supple, and naturally smooth ass. It was quite a lovely view. He then proceeded to show us his nice shave job by his junk. He flashed us quick ... so quick that I sadly missed it.

Mike totally turned me on when he was lying down on the floor and Alexis jumped on his back and he proceeded to do push ups. I never knew how strong he was and he just totally proved it. He seriously has an ass that just won't quite and he his body is just amazing! Oh my god!!!

So as for the crossing of the swords... I was in the bathroom putting in my contacts and Steve came in saying he had to pee and proceeded to go toward the toilet, while I stood next to it. I told him to hurry up because I had to pee as well and he was like so come and pee. I looked at him and he was serious. He was like... let's cross swords! So I got a little hard, so I hesitated for a second while I got it under control... I finally did and whipped it out and we pissed together. It's so sad that these little things get me going, but it surely did!

We kept playing around through the night.. I playfully made moves on him... touched his junk a few times and whatever ... I tried to drop as much hints as possible with him. Practically tried everything and I am hoping that he got the hints... Obviously we couldn't do anything because Mike and Alexis was there, but I have hope for the future!! :)

We somehow started talking about the last time we had sex. He said how it's been a while for him and he was like how great would it be if a girl blew me right now ... I wanted to raise my hand and be like uh... this girl will surely blow you... LOL - of course I couldn't .. I wish I had picked his ass up so that I could've dropped him home... maybe everyone could've left and we would have a moment alone together ... Soon I will tell him and then deny it if he ever told anyone! haha

Oh yeah ... I forgot ... he sent me a picture of a picture on a phone of him on the nude beach... of course all it was was him laying on the beach ... cock in the sand and ass visable ... grrr...

Anywhoooosss... I'm off to bed ... well maybe play some Wii ... got this new game ... Just Dance ... f'in love it!! and then possibly bed.

Confirmed!

So the video that I had talked about in the previous post was most definitely our mutual friend, Mike (obviously not his real name, but nonetheless). Steve asked me if Mike sent a video of him pissing and I was like no, but I saw it b/c you two were looking at it on each others' phones.

So I've now seen both Steve and Mike's cocks .. so wonderful! :)

So anyway ... we went to Mike's house the other night and before I got there, I went to pick up Steve. He apparently went to the gym, showered there (which he does often) and then came home. I hadn't realized that he was going commando, but I followed him upstairs to his room to talk about events that happened the night before. I won't get into them, but it wasn't pretty ... and no... sadly nothing sexual!

Anyway... so I was in his room talking and then he's like I have to put my underwear on ... so I was like... um ... ok and before I could move, he drops his pants in front of me and throws his undies on. So he says to me ... I don't care ... We all have the same shit and I got really comfortable working at the nude beach, so I don't care. I wanted to be like ... I don't care either ... now just bring it to my mouth so I can give it what it really needs... but of course, I simply said ... it's good to be comfortable in your own skin ... and that it didn't matter and that he was right that we all pretty much have the same shit down there ...

So ... we go to Mike's house and he decides to tell Mike that he dropped his pants in front of me ... We laughed and then they got into a discussion about how the two of them go to the nude beach all the time and that how I should join them this summer. I seriously almost blurted out, I'M IN, before he finished his sentence.. lol ...

I know everyone has been egging me on to confront him and push the truth out into the open. I was almost ready to, but now that i'm seeing them slowly come out of their shell, and the fact that we're planning trips together... I don't want to blurt it out, but see where this goes. For all I know, they've probably fucked around already... who knows!? Maybe they're just being precautious about the whole thing b/c they don't know how i'd react? who the hell knows?

Oh ... also Steve was talking about how in the gym, in the showers, he could see over the curtains and he saw a guy jacking off in the showers and shooting a load and all of that. He had left it as a stranger, but when we got into my car, he said how it was Mike and how Mike was talking to him and then he got quiet and when he looked over, he saw him jacking off ... I'm like... holy fucking hotness!

I seriously can't wait to hang out with these boys again! This is becoming so damn interesting!! :) :)

Please comment! I want to know what you all think!

Holy Mutha Update!

Ok ... so my bff is being a total closet case now ... He's denying it and claiming that he was only joking. No matter how many notions I send his way to let him know I'm ok with it, he's just denying it now. Talk about fucking annoying! I seriously want to be like ... dude, I'm with you, now let me blow you!

So anyway, tonight his sister got married and I was invited to the wedding. He got pretty trashed. We went to a hotel after, for the after party, and before you all go there, nothing happened .... well...

I ended up driving him home along with another mutual friend... He was piss drunk and he wanted to piss... we were outside and he was smoking a cig and then all of a sudden, he whips it out to piss... he turns his back to me and starts to pee. I ended up going back into my car, because it was freezing. I put the window down to talk to him and he turns around, still pissing. I got a wonderful visual of his thick cock! I was like "Are you peeing on my car" and he was like... "No bro" and he continued to pee for a good 15 seconds .. Oh! What a sight ... I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to giving him one ..... ohhhhhhhhhh

Oh... so then we pick up some McDonald's (only thing open at 2:30AM) and then go back to his house to eat. As we're leaving his house, his brother had a girl stay over and he was pissed at it, so he sees her shoes there and whips out his cock and pees a little in her shoes... I know ... totally immature, but I'm not complaining ... I got to see it again !!!

Oh...I forgot ... the other mutual friend was sitting shotty and I saw him looking at some video on his phone ... I realized that it was someone peeing in a stall ... I thought it was him, but I wasn't sure ... turns out he sends the video to my bff and I see him watching it ... and literally it's just a video of a cock pissing ... It totally had to be this guy's cock b/c it was taken in the bathrooms at the hall .... you can totally tell ...

Oh what a night! LOL .... I can't wait till we party hardy again! :)

Did you read the post before?

Ok... so it took a lot out of me to redo that e-mail so that his name/e-mail and mine were kept private ...  I had to copy the long ass thread into word and fix it all ...

Anyway ... I was in a bit of a rush too because I was supposed to go to his house, but I wanted to post the thread before I did, so I rushed and didn't get a chance to even comment.

So... To give you some background as to how this came about, the last time we hung out, I was talking to him about wanting to go to California and see Ellen and maybe make it a trip of sorts between me and him. I honestly had no ulterior motive behind this. I had practically given up on attempting to do anything with him. So I explained to him how it would almost be a road trip of sorts because I would have to visit my ex-co-worker/friend who moved to Cali, and I told him that I'm giving him fair warning that they're gay, but they've been begging me to visit and he was cool with it. So I told him we'd have to go there, then drive up to Burbank where Ellen is and then visit some family-friends up north in Roseville.

He seemed really interested. I figured we'd fly there and rent a car and make a mini-road trip. So that's why I e-mailed him to see if he was serious and he is. So when I started talking about lodging and cost, I reminded him that we'd probably stay at my friend's place... and that's when this all ensued...

He's claiming not to be bi, but just a bit curious. He claims not to ever had done anything with another guy, but I wouldn't put it past him. Now that I have the green light, I may not have any mercy on the lad! I will try and drop hints, but I literally have this whole scenario played out!

I'd bring up the subject again, like at my place or his ... Keep insisting that it's ok and that I'm cool with it. Eventually, if the timing is right, I'll confess my love for other men. I figured that I'd maybe grab his junk or something and basically say... "C'mon ... you're going to tell me that it has never once crossed your mind to see what it would be like to fool around with your childhood best friend?" and then see where it goes from there...

I would've blurted it all to him through the e-mail thread, but I am smart enough not to write something like that down, where he could print it or my company could see it.

I really hope that this confrontation pans out in my favor. There is nothing more that I'd love to do than to go down just once on my bestie...mmmmmmmmm

OMG! OMG! OMG!

It finally happened! Holy crap! This was an e-mail between  me and Steve today! I really can't believe it .. I'm going to hang with him tonight for a bit ... oh! I can't wait for my Cali trip!! :)

------------------------------------------------
From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 9:07 AM
To:  Steve
Subject: Good morning ...

Hey.. what’s up? Listen… were you serious about doing a trip to Cali or were you just BS’in me?
Thank you,
Jared

------------------------------------------------
From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 9:08 AM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

Good morning Jared,
It’s market week, so it’s busy busy busyyy! LOL.
No I was serious. I have always wanted to travel, and I think this would be a wonderful opportunity to explore.
When were you thinking of doing it?

------------------------------------------------
From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 9:11 AM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

That sucks! Well it’s better to be busy than not … things actually died down a bit here … so I’ve been bored
I was thinking possibly April/May … not too sure for sure … go for a week .. Sunday to Sunday .. something like that … can you get off work? Would we have to wait for later in the year, like july/august?
Thank you,
Jared

------------------------------------------------
From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 9:20 AM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

LUCKY YOU!!!! I’m so mad I can’t go to the show on Feb. 11th.  That’s right up my alley!
April or May might work. They both sound pretty good.  A week would be nice.
I will ask today if I can get off.
Pretty sure I can since I am an intern but we will seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

------------------------------------------------
From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 9:22 AM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

well keep me posted on that … I will have to start looking at flights and hotel rooms and rental cars and all that … Money is a bit tight right now, so I may need to put it off … although I may use my tax return!  lol
I don’t think I’m going on Feb. 11 if you’re not … I really didn’t want to go … lol

Thank you,
Jared

------------------------------------------------
From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 11:14 AM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

Why not! It would be fun on Feb. 11th! LOL.
Yeah? I’m only getting like 1500 back tax returns and using 1000 to open up an IRA.
How much do you think the trip will cost us?

------------------------------------------------
From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 11:40 AM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

I don’t know … I’d have to skip class and quite frankly, she ain’t worth it … lol
I’m not sure how much I’m getting back yet, but if it’s anything close to what I got last year, I’ll be more than happy and able to afford it …
I would guess we should plan to spend around $2000 in total … so like $1000 each … that should cover air fare, hotel, and car … possibly food too … Hotel wouldn’t be too much b/c we’d be staying with my friends … so instead of 10 nights or whatever, it would be like maybe 3-5 instead … I have to look at cost and map it all out …

Thank you,
Jared

------------------------------------------------
From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 11:58 AM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

Oh yeah that’s right.
Okay that could work out. Maybe we could hook up with them?
That’s reasonable. That’s like a week’s worth of work. That’s fair.
I think we would have a lottt of fun and no boundaries.  Well I’m not saying to do bad things, but get away for a week from our households and work is nice!


------------------------------------------------
From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 12:12 PM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

No boundaries! Of course! This would seriously be my first real vacation without my parents or family members … Do you know how long I’ve been dying to do something like this! Since I started working and could afford it …. It’s just that none of my friends could afford it b/c they were in school …
I’m going to look into flights and maybe plan around spring break or if anything after spring semester is over … who were you referring to when you said we could hook up with “Them”?

Thank you,
Jared

------------------------------------------------
From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 2:58 PM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

Me too!!!! We could “get away with murder.” Not literally lol.
I’ve been dying to try something like that. It would be so much fun.
Yeah it’s not the money.
I saw flights to Cancun for $399.00.  If we could sleep in same room together with them? “Experiment with them? Or something.”

------------------------------------------------
From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 3:13 PM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

Uh… What!??
Cancun huh? Never been there … possibility …


Thank you,
Jared

------------------------------------------------
From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 3:20 PM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

Haha be bi-curious! Who cares! You only live once!!
Coming over later?? Mom wants to know.

------------------------------------------------
From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 3:38 PM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

So you’re bi-curious? Interesting … that explains a lot … lol
Tonight is my long class… let me  see how I feel

Thank you,
Jared

------------------------------------------------
From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 3:46 PM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

LOL. I think everyone is. It’s a part of life.
Well I am staying at work until 7, 730 because I am doing a shoot on myself.
Let me know!

------------------------------------------------
From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 3:50 PM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

I see… so who else knows that you’re bi?
Well if you’re staying that late, then there is no point in me coming over … I’d be there by like 9

Thank you,
Jared

------------------------------------------------
From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 3:56 PM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

LOL no one! I’m not bi but I think I joke around a lot and stuff.
I would never do anything with a man but I don’t mind seeing them naked or whatever.
I went to nude beach all summer long and  made a lot of guy/girl friends, so I think I got comfortable around them.
9ish? That shouldn’t be a problem. Guess we will see as the night proceeds?

------------------------------------------------
From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 3:59 PM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

Oh… I thought you did something with a guy already … not that it matters to me … I truly don’t care … live and let live is my policy …
I guess I’ll text you when I’m out of class … just text back ass!
Thank you,
Jared

------------------------------------------------
From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 4:07 PM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

Exactly. Who cares.
No, but I hang out with a lot of gay men, and work with a lot as well.
You should come hang one night, maybe Friday.  We have a good time.
No never did anything with a man lol.
I’ll text ya back I promise!!! 