Total cockblock!

Ok... so I'm tired of referring to him as "my friend" so from this day forward, you will know him as Steve!
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Ok ... so I actually hung out with Steve all night tonight. He actually just left my house. We met up at the local diner for dinner and then came back to my place to watch the Bourne movies. The plan was to watch all three, since he has never seen any of them, but we only got to two.

My mom is having some company over tomorrow and was up the ENTIRE time in the kitchen. Finally when she decided to go to bed, Steve got up and said he was leaving because he was really tired today from work. I understood, but at the same time I was pissed! I wish my mom would've gotten her ass up to bed earlier so I could have some alone time with Steve, but of course not!

Anyway... so I was thinking about it and I just don't know how to approach him. Like for example ... after the diner, we ran into the supermarket to get snacks. He (ironically) likes pickles and he said he wanted that. So jokingly I said "Yeah... you and your pickles... you like those pickles, don't you... " Of course you know what I was insinuating and of course he laughed it off.

Then as we were walking down another aisle, he said something to the effect of that's why they call me "pickle boy" or something like that... again.... leaving me open to take the opportunity, so I did and replied "Pickle boy huh? You really like those pickles.. haha" and then he said "I sure do" and then I said "So I've heard" and he just looked at me and smiled. Nothing else to say... UGHHH!!!!

Then we were sitting in my living room and my mom went outside for something and I thought this would be the opportunity and ambush him, but then I thought .. what am I going to say? "Hey ... are you bi? I want you to know that it's ok... REALLY ... it's OK ... wink wink ..." -- How does someone bring that up in conversation without sounding like an ass, outing yourself, or plainly embarrass yourself??

I also mentioned to him about seriously getting a place together and being roomies ... he's like ... "oh... I've been talking to [another mutual friend] about that and I was thinking how cool it would be if we get a 2 bedroom and the three of us live together ... we'd have to share a room ... but you know if you bring a girl, the other would have to sleep on the couch or let me watch" .... I was like ... um... really? I get to sleep with you! haha

Anyway...In response to AL's comment... I am really tired of hiding and trying my best to be "straight" ... I've reached that point now that I feel like I'm 24 and I shouldn't be living with my parents. I should have a genuine boyfriend and be living with him. We should be able to express our love openly and not hide and me make claims that he's a roommate and nothing more ... I want to be me, but there are so many things on the line ... just too many that I can't handle ...

OMG! I think I have a problem

Ok... so I don't know if this is just a side effect from watching Make the Yuletide Gay and wanting what the two characters had in the movie, but I have been seriously dreaming about my best friend that I have been  mentioning in the past couple of blogs like crazy...

It was first about the sex and how badly I wanted to blow him ... now it's gotten deeper. I am fantasizing about him being my boyfriend, turned lover, turned fiancé, turned soul mate. Like the other day, I was thinking about him coming over and I'd confront him about his sexuality and assure him that I'm cool with it and then we'd get into a deep conversation and everything would just be ok.

I took it even further to think that he could be my roommate and we could get an apartment together and I could finally be out of my parent's house.

He complained about back pains, and I thought that I could give him a legitimate back rub and make him feel better and then somehow that would lead to us being together. He said how he hadn't told his parents about his medical problems and I've been encouraging him to go to the doctor and get a full checkup. I told him how I'd go with him for support and he was actually accepting of it. Then I thought that this could be my future and I would support and love him through it all.

Now as all of these thoughts are racing through my mind, the reality hit me so hard and fast, that it was like I was victim to a hit and run! All of a sudden, I came to the realization that this was nothing but a mere fantasy in my mind. That we're too good of friends for it to be anything more. Then I thought that he is seriously my only legitimate friend, since elementary school. Through all the weird stages in my life and his, he's always been the hotter and sexier one, yet he accepted me for me and we really bonded a true friendship. I really don't want to fuck that up and I'm afraid that the confrontation could do just that, yet on the other hand, I feel ballsy enough to charge and confront him and everything would be ok.

I am so torn! I really don't know what to do! I could either fuck up a true friendship or I could enhance that true friendship. All I know is that I am truly starting to want more than just friendship overall. Not with just him, but in my life in total. Since I watched that movie, something inside of me is ready to come out. (No pun intended) --- I'm so ready to say "Mom... Dad... I'm gay" and accept what have to say, no matter what, but at the same time, I'm afraid of losing them as parents or them treating me differently. Again, to reference the movie, I can relate to both of the guys and I have to say that I share the same fear. My mom and dad wouldn't accept it as easily as the parents in the movie did... that is for sure.

I would have to think that they somewhat know though... I never had a serious girlfriend, I take pride in baking, I'm very conscientious about my appearance, and I'm sure that my mother may have caught me with gay porn on my laptop and me fast asleep ...

Why does this have to be so difficult!? Ugh...

xoxo,
J

Holy Crap! It's the Optimum guy!

Ok ... so I have been secretly crushing on this hottie who does all of the Optimum/Cablevision commercials for our local cable company. I never knew who he was and attempted to Google him, but had no luck.

I was watching "200 American" on Netflix tonight... another gay flick ... and I'm watching this guy and I'm like he looks so familiar. Where the hell have I seen him? Then all of a sudden, I'm like ... Holy shit! That's the Optimum guy! I actually paused the movie to IMDB it and found his name and of course, his IMDB photo was the one you're seeing ... his "Optimum" look... I couldn't believe that this hottie, whom I've fantasized once or twice about was in a gay film. Let me just say... I've been one of the first customers for Optimum when it first came out, but if I wasn't, this fine piece could talk me into getting their service! If only he'd come and install it! hmmm.....

ANYWAY.... Upon searching further, it turns out that this bad boy has been around in the acting world ... from soaps to movies ... and holy hell! He has a body to support it ... hey look .. i just blew a load ... :) (just kidding)

Well here are some of his pics that I scraped off the net ... enjoy lovers!

My friend is here!

OMG! He's here and was just peeing in my bathroom ... why are my parents home!? I would've so stumbled into the bathroom while he was doing his business just to sneak a peek ... why did they have to be home!? ughhh...

Ok... I'm off to stare at him and go off into dream land! haha...

xoxo,
J

What a fabulous movie!

Ok... so I just watched this movie on Netflix and oh my god! How adorable!

Make The Yuletide Gay is your coming out story of this hottie at Christmas time... His parents don't know, his boyfriend surprises him at his doorstep and of course craziness ensues. It's a really cute movie and I have to say it will be one of my Christmas movies.. lol

Now only if I could get my parents to watch it ... they'd see how cool the guy's parents, in the movie, is and then I could just tell them and things would be ok... YEAH RIGHT!

Anyway... take a look at this if you can... it's really cute and it was worth being up at 2:45 in the AM ... when I have to get up at 6 for the gym... ughh... nighty night all!!

xoxo,
J

Update on my friend

Ok... so if you haven't read the previous post, I recently found out that my best friend since kindergarten is bisexual... or at least, so I've heard...

There has been a lot of moments where I questioned his sexual orientation throughout my life and even recently. Read my previous post for the details...

Anyway... As I said prior, I found out he works in the city. So it turns out that all of last week, my company sent me into the city for a course at this company. It's a national training center for corporations, so I had a course that they wanted me to go to.

The first day I had to be there really early, so I couldn't ride in with my friend. The 2nd day, I attempted to meet him on the train and we couldn't find each other. The third, fourth and final day, I didn't bother trying to meet him because I had to take the earlier trains.

I attempted to ride the train with him going home and only actually did once. Every day, I would finish up before him and just wanted to go home. I actually went to his office once and got the tour and rode home with him. I had planned to talk to him about the situation then, but we couldn't find any seats and we ended up having to stand up riding and bumped into someone we knew... totally sucks!

Well since we reconnected, we've been planning a lot to hang out, so I am hoping that an opportunity comes up soon! He's coming over tomorrow for dinner and then we're going to hang out on Friday and Saturday. So I am praying that somehow it comes up!!

Wish me luck boys... I've been dying to take a taste of his lolipop! :)

Ok... I need the help of my readers on this one...

Ok... so here's the situation...

Since as far as I can remember being into boys, I've had a secret crush on my best friend. We'd always hang out and do guy things... climb fences, have water balloon fights, go into the woods behind my house and explore... you know.. "manly" things.

As we got older and was in high school, we maintained our friendship. He was always the hottie that everyone wanted to date, so he's always have some hot girl attached to him, so it was no contest that he was straight. There had been a few times that he'd say things to me that was very misleading, but I always played it cool and brushed it off to deter them from realizing I was gay. I honestly thought that sometimes he'd do it to test me and possibly out me, so I was always precautions with him.

Well as time went on and we graduated, we didn't necessarily go our separate ways, but we did drift apart. We maintained very little contact and it turns out he went through a rough year with drugs and whatnot. We reconnected a few times, but it was either for his birthday or for mine, nothing more. His mom was happy to see me around b/c I stay away from drugs and anything of the like and she was hoping I would be a good influence on him.

Anyway... his birthday is in February and that was the last time I saw him... back in 2009. He was getting his shit back together and trying really hard to land a job.

Well for the new year, I believe I texted him in one of my mass texts and he replied. He seemed excited to hear from me and we had decided to hang out last Sunday. Well, of course, that fell through so I had made dinner plans with my friends for tonight and decided to ask him to come, which he did.

I was really happy that he came and I was happy that we finally got to hang out. I was quite pleased to see that he was looking finer than ever! MMMMmmm...... if only he was my dessert! ha!!

So here's the deal ... a while back, my co-worker at the time (who is now one of my besties) and I decided to have a quick lunch at Applebee's. When we got there, our waitress turned out to be one of these girls that I had graduated with. She took our order and tended to the tables she was working. When she finally got a chance, she came and sat down with us and we quickly caught up.

She had asked me if I kept in contact with anyone from high school and I rattled off a few names...when I came to his, she was like... "ohh.. my... godd!!!... he is such a tool! do you know he's bi?"

Right away, I was like "Oh thank heaven... I mean WHAT!?!?" ... so she explained to me that how she was hanging out with him at some party and how he blatantly said that he was bisexual.

So now... I'm putting things together... all those times back in school... were they tests? And then today, I learn that he works in the city and he texts me "I work for this fashion company in the city. I'm surrounded by gay guys and hot girls... what else is better than that?"

I ask him what he does there and he tells me he photographs hang bags and then photoshops them for the ads. Then he shows me these mannequins that he has to dress and photograph as well.

Anyway... tonight when we were at dinner, he was sitting next to me and at one point he puts his hand on my lap and is stroking my leg... so of course I took the straight and cowardly route and was like .. dude! So he stopped and just chuckled.

I seriously want to approach him one day and just be like... so... I heard you're bi... is it true.. cause I'm ok with that... but I am too chicken to just do that...

So... with all that said... I need your help... should I just confront him and be for real or do you think it's a trap? I honestly trust him and I really don't think he'd out me if I'm wrong, but then again... there is the possibility that he may... What do I do!?

One one hand, I have the risk of outing myself if I'm wrong and on the other, I have the potential of fulfilling a childhood dream to suck my bestie off...help!!