Ok .. so Steve pissed me the hell off BIG TIME!
First he told me that I kissed him on the cheek and groped him. He then told me that I groped Mike and kissed him as well and that I grabbed his ass. I couldn't believe it but I sadly can't remember a thing!
He had me going and seriously I wanted to puke. I got so upset and every time I begged him for the truth it would be different. I finally decided to give up on him and I basically told him off and was about to end all communication with him when he realized how serious I was and he apologized and told me the truth.
He lied about everything ... he said the only thing that had happened was that I kissed him on the cheek and tapped his crotch! I was so relieved, you couldn't believe it!!
I still want to think there is more that happened then what he is telling me, but I will NEVER know. I asked Mike and he laughed about it and denied anything happened, but something tells me that Steve got to him before I did.
Steve realized how much this got to me and realized how sick I actually got ... I'm not kidding .. I was so nauseous and upset ... I seriously blew the whole day away dwindling on this. It was crazy. I think that he realized how badly affected I was by this and probably got to Mike before I could.
Steve is genuinely a sweet guy. He has bad judgment on when to joke or not, but overall he is a sweet guy. I was so angry with him, but now I've gotten over it. He is REALLY cool with the whole me being "bi" thing and I'm so happy that he is. He claims that those e-mails back and forth in the past where he told me he was "bi-curious" was all a lie. This is the problem that I have with him. I can never take him seriously. That is why I'm still questioning what he told me that happened that night.
I honestly believe that Steve is actually bi ... I want it to be true, yes, but I honestly do believe that he is. I think he's denying the whole thing b/c I decided to be honest. I don't know if he thinks that I want him (which I do) or not, but I would never jeopardize our friendship for a cheap blow job or whatever else.
He claims that nothing will be different between us, but I don't know. I know one thing for sure is that I won't be joking around with him sexually-wise as I did before. I'm going to stop insinuating things and leave it well enough alone. We had talked about becoming roommates and now he says he's not ready to move out yet ... I don't know if that has been influenced by my coming out, I don't know.
I have to say that it felt so good to tell someone close to me. It really was a big relief on me. It was so much better to know that Steve welcomed the news with open arms too.
This really sucks! I love him as a friend and possibly more. I just can't believe that any chance I may have had with him is gone. Then again, if he's seriously not bi, then there was never a chance to begin with. I don't know ... I really hope that nothing much has changed ... this sucks!
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
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7 comments:
"Steve" doesn't give a straight answer (no pun intended) when you've asked him about the events of the evening you guys got drunk. You don't remember what happen and who's to say he does? He jokes, adds, subtracts, multiplies and divides the story to suit his whim. We may have friends that are liars, but we don't want one to be our lover or f#^& buddy. You deserve better than that. Keep your head up.
Awww thanks Tim Man ... I really appreciate that. I hate to admit it, but I guess I agree with you. I love him as a friend and even more, but you're absolutely right! :(
Hello Jared. I've had a similar experience. There was a friend of mine that liked to flirt with me, and I of course would flirt back. Based on things he said, I was under the impression he was bi. When I told him I was interested in him sexually, he said he wasn't "like that" and hoped he didn't give me the "wrong impression" -- yeah right!!! Of all the straight men I know, not ONE of them ever stuck their tongue in my ear or grabbed my ass. My buddy would do that. I felt he lead me on and then kicked me to the curb. It hurt me so deeply. I couldn't believe I fell for his b.s. Not long after we didn't call each other or hang out. That was a few years back. Since that all happened, I have seen him out at bars (straight) on a few occasions. I am always cordial and polite, but I kept my distance emotionally. One of those times, he grabbed my ass and smiled at me. As he leaned in to "whisper" in my ear, I shook my head, told him he was confused (I used some quite a bit of profanity) and walked away. It may have been a month later when I saw him again. He said he was playing around and he's not like that. Oh boy - here we go again, I thought. This time was different, I had no interest in him. I will not be involved with a man that sends mixed signals, period. I came thru my experience and by sharing my story, I hope this encourages you. All the best to you.
OMG Tim...
that is EXACTLY what is happening to me right now! It's a bunch of mixed signals. He's claiming how he's not like that but he'd stroke my leg or sometimes make a move on me, but he'd only be "joking" around.
This weekend, I was looking to hang out and get out of the house. He originally said how we'd have a movie night by him and then I didn't hear anything from him.
He then goes to text me and say "Hey... it's not like we're not going to hang out during the week or anything." - I was like, sorry, did I give you the impression that I am desperate to hang out with you!? WTF?!
So I left it at that and didn't text him on Sunday and didn't bother to talk to him until me messaged me today at work. I decided that I'll keep my distance. I really do like him a lot and quite frankly, I don't want to get close and get broken hearted.
Hey Jared! I read your latest post and it does remind me of some of the stuff I've gone thru. To say it will get better doesn't mean much now, but it does get better. It sounds like you're doing some personal growth and development now. Continue to work on your body, mind and spirit. You've established obtainable goals for yourself and you're going to achieve them. As far as the Steve and Mike go, I think you have a better understanding of the type of guys they are. You be the person you're supposed to be; YOU. There's nothing the matter with that at all.
Tim Man,
Thank you so much for your support! You don't know how much I appreciate it! If I could, you'd get a big hug from me! :)
xoxo
You're so welcome, Jared.
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