I'm still kicking myself

I had a bit of a "freak out" last night as I was getting this information from Steve. (look @ previous post)

He has been mad chill about the whole thing and when I told him I'm bi, he was really cool. I am just kicking myself for my actions. I've been so god damn precautious with everything I do and I can't believe that in one night, I fucked it all up.

I'm kicking myself even harder for believing Steve. You all read that conversation and I seriously believed it. I know he denied it later, but I figured he was just trying to cover it up. I can't believe that I finally decided to open up to him, only to get kicked in the balls. Like I said, he is very cool about it. He told me nothing has changed in our relationship. (We've been besties since kindergarten) - I want to believe him but I don't know with him. He lies so much and I mean the last time I believed him, look what happened.

I'm just so torn. I'm really embarrassed about the whole thing. I know commenters said I shouldn't be ashamed about anything, but I am. All the stupid things I said insinuating things was just me bullshitting, but now I'm sure they'll think differently. Ugh... I wish I could just disappear!