Living the dream... well ... not exactly

Ok ... so I have been thinking a lot again and whenever I do this, it's never good.

Facts are presented to me and they cause me to reassess my life and only make me pretty much depressed.

Here's the thing... I have the dream of living in the city, having the city job, and having that city life. You know, the life that every young person in their 20s want? (well most in their 20s) I want independence and I want to live my life freely and not under my parent's roof. The problem is that I can't bring myself to taking that risk.

Right now, I have a sturdy job. It pays well and it's close to home. Things there really aren't that bad. There's the usual corporate bullshit, but overall, it's nothing that won't break me...

I know that I can safely say that I am comfortable where I am right now. I truly do want independence but I am so scared to take that jump.

My best friend since kindergarten, whom I just found out was bi, was just updating me on his recent endeavors and informed me that he landed a city job working at Vogue doing some art thing and how he was moving in with one of his buddies in some apartment in queens. I am really happy for him, but for some reason, it really got to me.

He was always the class clown and I was always the model student with great grades. Not to be a bitch or anything, but I never saw him living my dream. He finished school and got the job that I wanted... well not exactly my dream job, but he got it in the location I wanted it. He's going to be out of his parents house soon...

Ugh... I really don't know why, but it got to me so bad that I had originally started this entry, but stopped because I was tired... but instead of going to sleep, I cried like I had never done before. I would calm myself down and then begin bawling again!

I don't know what got to me, but whatever it was, it broke me down like a little girl.

** SIGH ** ... I don't know ... I'm ok now ... I guess... just going about my business as usual ... putting on my happy face and getting through the day!