Do you ever wish?

Do you ever wish you could just leave? Escape and go away forever to a place where you could get a new start... no one knows you... and you can be as free as you want to be? Not a worry in the world... just free to live your life as you please...

I sometimes wish I could get a new start, get reliable friends, actually get a true "best friend", one you can count on through thick and thin, start my own family and, as mean as it sounds, forget the members I currently face... I wish at times that the hurt I experience on a daily basis could just go away... I would love to wake up just for once happy instead of regreting my pre-destined day...

I often think deep about my current position in my life and I always question what I've accomplished. I'm 22 years old and I've run myself into some debt, of which I am now pulling myself out of... My credit score sucks, so I can't get any loans to actually fufill my dreams of owning a business or even moving out on my own. I have the burden of paying a shitload of money for my car each month plus my insurance. I've got bills to pay and don't have much savings at all.

Now I know that this is all my fault and that it was what I had chosen. My actions came with its consequences. I've learned from them, but I just don't see a way out! I would love to have my own place, date potential candidates, possibly own a condo or something by 25, but seriously... who am I kidding?

This has been dwelling on my chest for some time because it was never one of my proudest moments in life, but I felt it was time to get that out.

Continuing with my thought of "digging deep"... I look at other people's MySpace (I would say my friends' MySpace... but are they really?) and I see how high school buddies stayed buddies and are close and hanging out and always there for each other... I then turn to my life and see nothing. I was thinking the other day... if I was in some serious need of help or I needed a friend to be there, who would I turn to? I don't have anyone I could think of that I could turn to... no one at all. I always tend to be the "savior" to others because that's who I am, but who would be my "savior"? Who would drive out of their way because I was too drunk to drive home to ensure I arrived home safely??

Everyone says that they're my friend, but answer this.. If I were to move out of the state... clear across the country to California.. would you keep in touch? By in touch, I am talking about just calling me to say hello or see what's up...

I am falling asleep... I will finish this another time.

Fyi- I'm not ungrateful or anything.. I know that there is people out there wishing to have a family and whatnot, it's just the pain I experience is sometimes not at all worth it... at least I think so.