Just a thought...

Do you ever regret the choices you've made in life? I admit that I regret a few things that I've done, but the things I regret the most, I've learned the most from.

What exactly am I talking about? Killing someone? Rape? Segregation? Um... no! God! I'm not psychotic! But seriously, I was referring to something like me getting plastic happy and racking up credit card bills way above myself and totally killing my credit at the age of 20.

Again, I regret it, but I've learned from it.

Well back to my original thought... I had always had a passion for computing and doing things on the computer. I'm not a dork or anything... promise! I knew that from the start that I wanted to have a career with computers. I didn't know exactly what, but I knew that it was there and I worked hard until I got there.

Looking back now, I regret that I was the meek, shy boy that everyone practically walked on. I really wish that I pushed myself more to be outgoing at a younger age. When I did, I think it was too late. It was my freshmen year of high school and to me, it was too late. I became a pretty popular and involved guy, but I never made homecoming king (or queen.. haha) or even prom king... not that I was necessarily going for that..

But I have always had a passion for music. From mixing it to attempting to sing it. I had tried out my senior year for the last school production and honestly... I wanted to just be in it so that I could say that I was in it. They still required that I sing as a try out, so while being busy doing a million other things, I made the time and learned a song moments before I had to go in and sing. I went it, gave it my all, and I was told that I should try out for a main part b/c I had an amazing voice. I was too shy, so I passed and settled for backup.

I am now looking back and really regret that I didn't pursue that. I wish I had. I love singing and I am beginning to reconsider my choice in life, but to me, I'm too late. I'm going to be 22 soon and I need to settle down and start saving my money and get my own place and begin to build on my life. I wish I could attempt to try singing and whether it fail or not, I could say that I had explored the option, but for me, I believe it's too late.

It really sucks growing up. I know as a kid, you look forward to growing up so that you can stay up later, learn to drive, get your own car, and eventually legally drink. I can tell you right now, I'd give it all up to be a kid again. It was a time of innocence and no responsibility. I really don't know how one can accept just "growing up" ... It's forced on us by society and everyone must eventually, but how do you just accept that everything that you have known must now be forgotten and you must now focus on growing into the model man or woman?

I'm getting older and I can't deal... that's probably just the whole reason for this... 22 is young, I know, but it's the age where it's all down hill... you hit that 21 age and now you look forward to getting older, 30, 40, 50, and then... 60? death?

Arrgghhh... I need to stop this thinking process and just enjoy the music that I love singing...

xoxo,
Jared