Did you read the post before?

Ok... so it took a lot out of me to redo that e-mail so that his name/e-mail and mine were kept private ...  I had to copy the long ass thread into word and fix it all ...

Anyway ... I was in a bit of a rush too because I was supposed to go to his house, but I wanted to post the thread before I did, so I rushed and didn't get a chance to even comment.

So... To give you some background as to how this came about, the last time we hung out, I was talking to him about wanting to go to California and see Ellen and maybe make it a trip of sorts between me and him. I honestly had no ulterior motive behind this. I had practically given up on attempting to do anything with him. So I explained to him how it would almost be a road trip of sorts because I would have to visit my ex-co-worker/friend who moved to Cali, and I told him that I'm giving him fair warning that they're gay, but they've been begging me to visit and he was cool with it. So I told him we'd have to go there, then drive up to Burbank where Ellen is and then visit some family-friends up north in Roseville.

He seemed really interested. I figured we'd fly there and rent a car and make a mini-road trip. So that's why I e-mailed him to see if he was serious and he is. So when I started talking about lodging and cost, I reminded him that we'd probably stay at my friend's place... and that's when this all ensued...

He's claiming not to be bi, but just a bit curious. He claims not to ever had done anything with another guy, but I wouldn't put it past him. Now that I have the green light, I may not have any mercy on the lad! I will try and drop hints, but I literally have this whole scenario played out!

I'd bring up the subject again, like at my place or his ... Keep insisting that it's ok and that I'm cool with it. Eventually, if the timing is right, I'll confess my love for other men. I figured that I'd maybe grab his junk or something and basically say... "C'mon ... you're going to tell me that it has never once crossed your mind to see what it would be like to fool around with your childhood best friend?" and then see where it goes from there...

I would've blurted it all to him through the e-mail thread, but I am smart enough not to write something like that down, where he could print it or my company could see it.

I really hope that this confrontation pans out in my favor. There is nothing more that I'd love to do than to go down just once on my bestie...mmmmmmmmm

OMG! OMG! OMG!

It finally happened! Holy crap! This was an e-mail between  me and Steve today! I really can't believe it .. I'm going to hang with him tonight for a bit ... oh! I can't wait for my Cali trip!! :)

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From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 9:07 AM
To:  Steve
Subject: Good morning ...

Hey.. what’s up? Listen… were you serious about doing a trip to Cali or were you just BS’in me?
Thank you,
Jared

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From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 9:08 AM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

Good morning Jared,
It’s market week, so it’s busy busy busyyy! LOL.
No I was serious. I have always wanted to travel, and I think this would be a wonderful opportunity to explore.
When were you thinking of doing it?

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From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 9:11 AM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

That sucks! Well it’s better to be busy than not … things actually died down a bit here … so I’ve been bored
I was thinking possibly April/May … not too sure for sure … go for a week .. Sunday to Sunday .. something like that … can you get off work? Would we have to wait for later in the year, like july/august?
Thank you,
Jared

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From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 9:20 AM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

LUCKY YOU!!!! I’m so mad I can’t go to the show on Feb. 11th.  That’s right up my alley!
April or May might work. They both sound pretty good.  A week would be nice.
I will ask today if I can get off.
Pretty sure I can since I am an intern but we will seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 9:22 AM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

well keep me posted on that … I will have to start looking at flights and hotel rooms and rental cars and all that … Money is a bit tight right now, so I may need to put it off … although I may use my tax return!  lol
I don’t think I’m going on Feb. 11 if you’re not … I really didn’t want to go … lol

Thank you,
Jared

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From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 11:14 AM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

Why not! It would be fun on Feb. 11th! LOL.
Yeah? I’m only getting like 1500 back tax returns and using 1000 to open up an IRA.
How much do you think the trip will cost us?

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From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 11:40 AM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

I don’t know … I’d have to skip class and quite frankly, she ain’t worth it … lol
I’m not sure how much I’m getting back yet, but if it’s anything close to what I got last year, I’ll be more than happy and able to afford it …
I would guess we should plan to spend around $2000 in total … so like $1000 each … that should cover air fare, hotel, and car … possibly food too … Hotel wouldn’t be too much b/c we’d be staying with my friends … so instead of 10 nights or whatever, it would be like maybe 3-5 instead … I have to look at cost and map it all out …

Thank you,
Jared

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From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 11:58 AM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

Oh yeah that’s right.
Okay that could work out. Maybe we could hook up with them?
That’s reasonable. That’s like a week’s worth of work. That’s fair.
I think we would have a lottt of fun and no boundaries.  Well I’m not saying to do bad things, but get away for a week from our households and work is nice!


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From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 12:12 PM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

No boundaries! Of course! This would seriously be my first real vacation without my parents or family members … Do you know how long I’ve been dying to do something like this! Since I started working and could afford it …. It’s just that none of my friends could afford it b/c they were in school …
I’m going to look into flights and maybe plan around spring break or if anything after spring semester is over … who were you referring to when you said we could hook up with “Them”?

Thank you,
Jared

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From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 2:58 PM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

Me too!!!! We could “get away with murder.” Not literally lol.
I’ve been dying to try something like that. It would be so much fun.
Yeah it’s not the money.
I saw flights to Cancun for $399.00.  If we could sleep in same room together with them? “Experiment with them? Or something.”

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From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 3:13 PM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

Uh… What!??
Cancun huh? Never been there … possibility …


Thank you,
Jared

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From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 3:20 PM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

Haha be bi-curious! Who cares! You only live once!!
Coming over later?? Mom wants to know.

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From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 3:38 PM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

So you’re bi-curious? Interesting … that explains a lot … lol
Tonight is my long class… let me  see how I feel

Thank you,
Jared

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From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 3:46 PM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

LOL. I think everyone is. It’s a part of life.
Well I am staying at work until 7, 730 because I am doing a shoot on myself.
Let me know!

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From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 3:50 PM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

I see… so who else knows that you’re bi?
Well if you’re staying that late, then there is no point in me coming over … I’d be there by like 9

Thank you,
Jared

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From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 3:56 PM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

LOL no one! I’m not bi but I think I joke around a lot and stuff.
I would never do anything with a man but I don’t mind seeing them naked or whatever.
I went to nude beach all summer long and  made a lot of guy/girl friends, so I think I got comfortable around them.
9ish? That shouldn’t be a problem. Guess we will see as the night proceeds?

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From: Jared
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 3:59 PM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

Oh… I thought you did something with a guy already … not that it matters to me … I truly don’t care … live and let live is my policy …
I guess I’ll text you when I’m out of class … just text back ass!
Thank you,
Jared

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From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 4:07 PM
To: Jared
Subject: RE: Good morning ...

Exactly. Who cares.
No, but I hang out with a lot of gay men, and work with a lot as well.
You should come hang one night, maybe Friday.  We have a good time.
No never did anything with a man lol.
I’ll text ya back I promise!!! 

Total cockblock!

Ok... so I'm tired of referring to him as "my friend" so from this day forward, you will know him as Steve!
-------------------------

Ok ... so I actually hung out with Steve all night tonight. He actually just left my house. We met up at the local diner for dinner and then came back to my place to watch the Bourne movies. The plan was to watch all three, since he has never seen any of them, but we only got to two.

My mom is having some company over tomorrow and was up the ENTIRE time in the kitchen. Finally when she decided to go to bed, Steve got up and said he was leaving because he was really tired today from work. I understood, but at the same time I was pissed! I wish my mom would've gotten her ass up to bed earlier so I could have some alone time with Steve, but of course not!

Anyway... so I was thinking about it and I just don't know how to approach him. Like for example ... after the diner, we ran into the supermarket to get snacks. He (ironically) likes pickles and he said he wanted that. So jokingly I said "Yeah... you and your pickles... you like those pickles, don't you... " Of course you know what I was insinuating and of course he laughed it off.

Then as we were walking down another aisle, he said something to the effect of that's why they call me "pickle boy" or something like that... again.... leaving me open to take the opportunity, so I did and replied "Pickle boy huh? You really like those pickles.. haha" and then he said "I sure do" and then I said "So I've heard" and he just looked at me and smiled. Nothing else to say... UGHHH!!!!

Then we were sitting in my living room and my mom went outside for something and I thought this would be the opportunity and ambush him, but then I thought .. what am I going to say? "Hey ... are you bi? I want you to know that it's ok... REALLY ... it's OK ... wink wink ..." -- How does someone bring that up in conversation without sounding like an ass, outing yourself, or plainly embarrass yourself??

I also mentioned to him about seriously getting a place together and being roomies ... he's like ... "oh... I've been talking to [another mutual friend] about that and I was thinking how cool it would be if we get a 2 bedroom and the three of us live together ... we'd have to share a room ... but you know if you bring a girl, the other would have to sleep on the couch or let me watch" .... I was like ... um... really? I get to sleep with you! haha

Anyway...In response to AL's comment... I am really tired of hiding and trying my best to be "straight" ... I've reached that point now that I feel like I'm 24 and I shouldn't be living with my parents. I should have a genuine boyfriend and be living with him. We should be able to express our love openly and not hide and me make claims that he's a roommate and nothing more ... I want to be me, but there are so many things on the line ... just too many that I can't handle ...

OMG! I think I have a problem

Ok... so I don't know if this is just a side effect from watching Make the Yuletide Gay and wanting what the two characters had in the movie, but I have been seriously dreaming about my best friend that I have been  mentioning in the past couple of blogs like crazy...

It was first about the sex and how badly I wanted to blow him ... now it's gotten deeper. I am fantasizing about him being my boyfriend, turned lover, turned fiancé, turned soul mate. Like the other day, I was thinking about him coming over and I'd confront him about his sexuality and assure him that I'm cool with it and then we'd get into a deep conversation and everything would just be ok.

I took it even further to think that he could be my roommate and we could get an apartment together and I could finally be out of my parent's house.

He complained about back pains, and I thought that I could give him a legitimate back rub and make him feel better and then somehow that would lead to us being together. He said how he hadn't told his parents about his medical problems and I've been encouraging him to go to the doctor and get a full checkup. I told him how I'd go with him for support and he was actually accepting of it. Then I thought that this could be my future and I would support and love him through it all.

Now as all of these thoughts are racing through my mind, the reality hit me so hard and fast, that it was like I was victim to a hit and run! All of a sudden, I came to the realization that this was nothing but a mere fantasy in my mind. That we're too good of friends for it to be anything more. Then I thought that he is seriously my only legitimate friend, since elementary school. Through all the weird stages in my life and his, he's always been the hotter and sexier one, yet he accepted me for me and we really bonded a true friendship. I really don't want to fuck that up and I'm afraid that the confrontation could do just that, yet on the other hand, I feel ballsy enough to charge and confront him and everything would be ok.

I am so torn! I really don't know what to do! I could either fuck up a true friendship or I could enhance that true friendship. All I know is that I am truly starting to want more than just friendship overall. Not with just him, but in my life in total. Since I watched that movie, something inside of me is ready to come out. (No pun intended) --- I'm so ready to say "Mom... Dad... I'm gay" and accept what have to say, no matter what, but at the same time, I'm afraid of losing them as parents or them treating me differently. Again, to reference the movie, I can relate to both of the guys and I have to say that I share the same fear. My mom and dad wouldn't accept it as easily as the parents in the movie did... that is for sure.

I would have to think that they somewhat know though... I never had a serious girlfriend, I take pride in baking, I'm very conscientious about my appearance, and I'm sure that my mother may have caught me with gay porn on my laptop and me fast asleep ...

Why does this have to be so difficult!? Ugh...

xoxo,
J

Holy Crap! It's the Optimum guy!

Ok ... so I have been secretly crushing on this hottie who does all of the Optimum/Cablevision commercials for our local cable company. I never knew who he was and attempted to Google him, but had no luck.

I was watching "200 American" on Netflix tonight... another gay flick ... and I'm watching this guy and I'm like he looks so familiar. Where the hell have I seen him? Then all of a sudden, I'm like ... Holy shit! That's the Optimum guy! I actually paused the movie to IMDB it and found his name and of course, his IMDB photo was the one you're seeing ... his "Optimum" look... I couldn't believe that this hottie, whom I've fantasized once or twice about was in a gay film. Let me just say... I've been one of the first customers for Optimum when it first came out, but if I wasn't, this fine piece could talk me into getting their service! If only he'd come and install it! hmmm.....

ANYWAY.... Upon searching further, it turns out that this bad boy has been around in the acting world ... from soaps to movies ... and holy hell! He has a body to support it ... hey look .. i just blew a load ... :) (just kidding)

Well here are some of his pics that I scraped off the net ... enjoy lovers!

My friend is here!

OMG! He's here and was just peeing in my bathroom ... why are my parents home!? I would've so stumbled into the bathroom while he was doing his business just to sneak a peek ... why did they have to be home!? ughhh...

Ok... I'm off to stare at him and go off into dream land! haha...

xoxo,
J

What a fabulous movie!

Ok... so I just watched this movie on Netflix and oh my god! How adorable!

Make The Yuletide Gay is your coming out story of this hottie at Christmas time... His parents don't know, his boyfriend surprises him at his doorstep and of course craziness ensues. It's a really cute movie and I have to say it will be one of my Christmas movies.. lol

Now only if I could get my parents to watch it ... they'd see how cool the guy's parents, in the movie, is and then I could just tell them and things would be ok... YEAH RIGHT!

Anyway... take a look at this if you can... it's really cute and it was worth being up at 2:45 in the AM ... when I have to get up at 6 for the gym... ughh... nighty night all!!

xoxo,
J